excuse me, sir, do you know where my home is?

i learned a long while ago that liquor and i dont particularly mix. of course, that experience involved projectile vomiting on angie's kitchen table and then being driven home only to go to my parents' room to wake them up to tell them i dont feel good! (hey! thats what parents are THERE for!) =) this incident was really not that bad...just unfortunate =)

so, for one of my classes, we had to read this book called "a civil action" which is a true story about a lawyer in mass. in the 80s who sued some huge companies for polluting the drinking water in this small town called woburn and giving children and their parents cancer and other diseases. in the 90s, a film was made based on this movie (starring mr saturday night fever himself, john travolta). so, alex, heather, andy and i had made a plan to watch it. alex works as a bartender in union square (belmont lounge) and we had planned to go there towards teh end of his shift (he was done at 9), partake of some free beverages (i still need to thank him for those....) and then go to his apartment down the street and watch the movie. so, that was the plan. here's what actually happened:

heather, my partner in vegetarian crime, and i met up for dinner at her favorite restaurant in nyc, zen palate, which is a vegetarian chinese restaurant. mmm, we had SUCH good food! we started off with scallion pancakes (which had fake ham--my favorite) and then we had sweet and sour sensation (which were basically deep-fried balls of dough in a really yummy sauce) and sesame medallions (which were good, but nothing compared to the other two items). yuuum. we stuffed ourselves silly. from there, we waddled over to the belmont and sat and talked for a while. a couple of heather's friends showed up and they were cool.
so. it was at this point that the drinking did commence. we get into the bar and alex asks what we want and heather all cute and girly, cuz thats how she is, says she wants something sweet with vodka (excuse me as i hurl). then he asks what i want and i say in my most feminine voice, beer!!!! aaarg!! (i didnt actually say "aarg" or yell. i just thought that would be fun now). alex refuses to serve me beer and threatens to give me vodka if i dont come up with something else fast. i decide on the lesser of all evils, tequila, in the form of a margarita. so, off scampers little alex to make our drinks, and heather and i continue talking, but out of the corner of my eye im watching him make our drinks. i watch him put in sweet and sour and whatever the heck else goes into a margarita, and then i see him pour in the tequila. and i continue watching him pour. still pouring....dear lord, i cant even express how much tequila went into the first drink. the most awesome thing about it was, though, that i could BARELY taste it. so, alex rocks as a bartender, and i informed him that he could make my drinks any day.

from the belmont we walked (heather and i, two alex drinks later, were stumbling--sorry to my parents) to the next bar, the cibar lounge. i liked this little swanky place, but the BEST thing about it were the amazingly clean restrooms. rarely in a new york bar can one find a nice decent restroom. i was stoked. so, i had two more margaritas there...and stupid little me felt like there wasnt enough tequila in my first drink so i mentioned this to our waitress...i should have kept my little tequila-guzzling mouth shut because my next drink was POTENT!! it was at this bar that alex's friend jj showed up (this is pertinent information for later).

off we go to the next bar, which i cant remember the name of. i felt like it should have had a mechanical bull, although it did not. what it DID have, though, was a margarita special! just what i needed!!!!! =) poor poor susannah....

so, we hang out here for a while, and then we decide to leave (this was around 230 am). it was at this point that the night got REALLY interesting...

we get outside and the guys are trying to tell heather and i how to get home. heather knows exactly which train she wants etc etc, and im just like, i need to get back to brooklyn with the fewest switches! so, alex, being the nice quiet person he is (note: heavy sarcasm) says that i should take the 4 train. i have to argue with him to explain to him that this train does not run after 12:01 am saturday thru 11:59 pm sunday. he doesnt really get this point. jj insists that i can take the A train, which is the same train heather is taking, except in a different direction and the entrances are at different locations. he seems confident and wants to walk us there to make sure we're okay, so i decide on that choice...

so, alex goes off in one direction, jj, heather, and i go off in the other. about 10 minutes later we're dropping heather off, and jj and i continue walking. about 40 seconds later, the sky comes tumbling down. literally. the weather chose THIS moment to decide on a rain/thunder/lightening storm as jj and i have no umbrella or anything and have like 4 more blocks to go until my subway entrance. so, we make the most of it and laugh and enjoy it, and we skip arm-in-arm (i should mention here that jj is something like 6'6" and not fat, but not skinny...in short, he's not a small man) in the rain. i got him to take a picture of me with his cell phone, although he didnt quite capture just how soaking wet i was!







so, after jj takes this lovely picture of me, we continue on for a couple minutes until jj goes "oooooh....crap..." which, for some reason, instantly alarms me. and so i ask, calmly, whats the matter, my dear friend jj? and he tells me that he forgot. there is no subway entrance for me in that direction. i have to walk another 9 blocks. in the rain. alone. because we're now at his apartment. i smile and say, oh thats alright, as i am silently cursing him in my mind. so, off i go in search of the elusive subway entrance. as im walking, i decide to call alex so i can have someone to keep me company as im stumbling through the soaking wet streets of the new york night. alex gets on the phone, i tell him what happens, he laughs, and says, you shouldve taken the 4! he should be glad he wasnt with me at that moment, because i would have hit him...=)

so, i finally (FINALLY!) get to teh subway entrance, and as i am going down the stairs, holding up my soaking wet jeans, and going SLOWLY on the stairs so i dont eat sh**, i can hear the train. as it is PULLING AWAY FROM THE STATION. crap crap double crap. so, that means that i have to sit in the subway station for god knows how long until the next train comes. which doesnt happen for about 35 minutes. (note for the parents: it was very well lit and a lot of people, including many nypd. totally safe!!) when the train finally DID come, i was surprised to see it on a different track than it was supposed to be. but i double checked before i got on, yes this is the A, it says "A" everywhere, so it must be the A. and its a brooklyn-bound train. okay, brooklyn-bound A train....i get on, make my self comfy (as comfy as one can be on a disease-infested brooklyn train, which generally arent teh nicest, newest trains), sit back, and wait for my stop, the first stop in brooklyn, to come.

la dee da...my stop should be coming up soon. oh, we're in brooklyn. at borough hall. thats PAST my stop!! wait! what happened!! where did high street go??? yeah, the train didnt stop at my station. i dont know why. i dont know if it was a different route, or a different A train, or what. all i do know is that at 330 am, still heavily tequila-d, i had to stumble off the train, out of the station, and try to figure out WHERE i am. the borough hall stop is HUGE, it goes under a few city blocks, and where i came out at, i know i had never been. i stop someone on the street and ask if they know where my street is...no? you dont? but you think its that direction? okay, ill take a chance...i go stumbling off and finally find some security guard and i ask him where my street is. he doesnt know. so i ask about another street. he doesnt know. and then i ask about a THIRD street, and he kinda gives me a funny look and says, its right there, pointing to the next street. oh. well, at least i know where im at. i start to walk away and this security guard starts talking to me. i dont really know about what. in truth, i really didnt care. and then he goes (no joke) "you seem to be really interesting and i would love to continue this conversation over dinner some time. can i call you?" i just stared at him. im thinking, dude! its 330 am! im tired. i am SOAKING wet. and im lost! are you SERIOUSLY asking me out? yeah, he was. i made up some story about how my boyfriend wouldnt like it, and he asks if my boyfriend had come out from california with me and i say no, and he says, youve only been here two weeks and already have a boyfriend? triple crap! i mumbled something about something and then walked off. 15 minutes later i was home....


and then i woke up at 830.

how was your night!? =)